It’s been 1 year, 2 months, and 23 days…. Yet it still hurts as if it was yesterday. I haven’t done this in awhile but today.. today i picked up my phone to call you. I thought i miss you and haven’t heard your voice in awhile I almost forget what it sounds like. Insist bummer…

I am afraid. I am afraid of forgetting your voice. I am afraid of losing myself more and more again and again. I wish you were here. I wish I could get back the time I lost. The time I took for granted. The last hugs I pulled away to early because I did not think they would be my last. The not wanting to hold your hand because I am grown. I regret it. You never know what you take for granted till it is too late.

Why.. I do not understand this. I still never can understand why. Why you, why us, why our family.  Why such a horrible and terrifying painful thing happened to you. I have yet to understand. Thing is I may never understand. I know i am be selfish saying I want you here with me and I do not care what I would have to do to make that happen even for a day. But you were my rock and I never thanked you enough. I never told you enough how much I love you. I never told you enough how much I looked up to you and still do. I compare people to you and it is not fair to them. It is not fair to them because no one can look up to you. No one can be you. No one can replace you. NO ONE!

I am sorry….. I miss you… And for now on I will always continue to feel like I am missing a huge part of me.. I love you so much….

Till we meet again

-Always his crocodile, please watch over me my alligator


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