People tell me you don’t have infertility problems because you have gotten pregnant before.. Well let me rant/vent for a second….

Infertility: infertility definition –

    1. inability to conceive children or young:
      “chlamydia can cause infertility in women” ·

      [more]
      “a couple undergoing infertility treatment”

     

Okay so a couple undergoing infertility treatment… Guess what ding ding ding we have a unfortunate winner. I have gone thru numerous pelvic exams, blood work ending in a sore arm and bruises, numerous vaginal ultrasounds (not pleasant either), numerous times peeing in a cup, tons of pregnancy test, tons of ovulation test, a unpleasant hsg test, and doctors pushing and poking on my stomach along with so much more that is just the start of it.. So forgive me when i say i do not know how much longer i can hold my tongue when someone says you don’t have any issues… Well i have unexplained infertility so there is nothing wrong with me (or my spouse) medically but for some flipping reason i can not keep a pregnancy going that long and have needed to use clomid to get pregnant. So i just don’t know how much longer i can deal with the comments you can have another baby, at least you can get pregnant, it was god’s way of protecting you, heaven has another angel, your baby is better in heaven, time heals all wounds, i know how you feel (unless you have been thru what i have been thru), it could be worse, you should be over this by now, get over it, god doesn’t give us more then what we can handle, and so many others!

16144127_1223550527692323_1349144427_n   This is my life for just 4-5 days with ovulation test. It is not fun, not enjoyable, timed intercourse sucks, the passion, the enjoyment and fun is lost because intercourse becomes a task, chore, a job you can say. Under my bathroom sink there is 2 boxes of ovulation test, there is 25 ish pregnancy test, and a crap load of little plastic cups. I did not ask for this, i do not want the problems i am having to go thru to become a parent. We have been trying 4 years this past December time roughly. I deal with quite enough that i do not need to deal with others opinions. Which brings me to my second rant.

 

I shared a meme on Facebook that said “i keep myself busy with things to do, but every time i pause, i still think of you.”… Well my lovely sister who is 8 years older then me commented on this twice and said: ” How does this make internet before sister? Smh. Family matters, am i right? Please.” Then wrote “I know one day it’s gonna happen for you maybe when you given up one last time but i love you.”… This lite my fire soooo bad but i couldn’t answer because i would have blew up and said some horrible things online. But 1.) my sister and i do not have a close or good relationship we have literally always fought for numerous reasons 2.) why in the world would i go to my sister about my infertility and another mc when she has ABORTED A BABY! I can not live with that. That is when our relationship got bad granted it has never been that good. But she was pregnant and aborted a innocent baby for reasons that were a excuse. I would have took the child and raised it in a heartbeat! I can not look at her, speak to her, or anything the same anymore since she MURDERED her innocent baby. Do not spread your legs, miss your birth control, and not accept what happens. She was the one who laid down and had sex, she was the one who got herself pregnant, and she kills that innocent child because she screwed up and couldn’t deal with it! It is things like this that i do not know if i can hold my tongue much longer… I want to have a child of my own so badly and people like her throw it away… 😦

I just want our rainbow baby, our miracle, a child of my own soooo bad. Yes, i have god children that i love, adore, and would raise in a blink of a eye but i will still have something missing. A child of my own, our own….. I pray the second round of clomid i just recently finished last week works and i can keep the pregnancy going. I hope another child is not ripped away…..

 

 

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